In my younger days, I really didn’t care who was doing what on the beach. I was usually too busy standing at the water’s edge, frantically screaming at my kids to swim closer to shore, before they were swept so far out to sea they required a Coast Guard rescue. I have now concluded that I’ve lived in a tourist destination for too long. Ordinarily, I like to mind my own business; but truth be told, I have unwittingly become an unofficial observer of people’s beach habits. Due to deteriorating beach behavior, I do believe a refresher course is in order.
Class is now in session:
No one wants to listen to your favorite music blasting all over the beach. Please have the decency to keep the volume down, or wear ear phones for your own listening pleasure.
The taxpayers in our town pay for trash receptacles, and rest rooms; please use them. Everyone is watching you bury your trash in the sand, and we all know that you told little Johnny he could pee in the beach grass, or ocean.
I know that cell phones are important, but please God, resist the urge to share every detail of your messy divorce with the entire beach.
If you have brought along an umbrella for shade, please remember to close it when the wind picks up. An airborne beach umbrella has the potential to do some serious bodily harm, and can impale a sunbather clear across the beach.
If you are on a beach the size of a postage stamp, please leave your 12 x 14 shelter in your backyard.
It is serious business when a life guard blows his/her whistle. Please respect them; it is their job to keep you ,and your family safe.
If I am the only person sitting on the beach when you arrive, is it really necessary for you and your family of 10, to sit in my lap? Seriously, there is something to be said for personal space.
When the ice cream truck pulls into the beach parking lot, please remember to supervise your little ones. Unfortunately, accidents can happen even on vacation.
Please refrain from tossing objects of any kind, back and forth over someone’s head on a crowded beach. This activity never ends well.
Digging a deep hole in the sand may seem harmless enough, but it can be very dangerous. Sand is unstable, and it could cave in on you. Please don’t dig to China anymore.
So my dear students, you can call me a cranky beach lady, but at least you’re well-informed. A day at the beach can be complicated. Go figure.
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